Friday, 20 August 2010

Spider-man & Captain America Use The Men's Room...

Okay, so that is undoubtedly one of the lamest covers to a comic-book in the entire history of the medium. Yet behind this awkward looking Captain America dwells one of the most read and re-read comic-books of my childhood. It's a simple done-in-one story starring Spidey and Cap - nothing earth-shattering or spectacular - it's just a simple, standard super-hero story that just so happens to have a single shining 'hell yeah!!' moment that reminds you why comic-books are freaking awesome.

This book has no business being so high on my 'comic-books I love from my childhood' chart. Not only does have that ambominable cover - it also stars my least favorite villain in all of the Marvel universe. Vermin - the rat man. Man, I hate that guy. Spidey-writers seem to always wanna shoe-horn him into all of my favorite story-lines like 'Kraven's Last Hunt' or 'The Child Within'. What is there to like about this guy? All he does is go around moping, eating garbage and rolling his Ss like some kind of bad Thundercats villain.

Mmmm...I'm loving it

Apart from Vermin we've got Spidey and Cap who just happen to be at the same carnival in thier respective secret identities. Peter's moping around thinking about Black Cat and treating forgettable Spidey love-interest Mia like dirt. While Cap is there with current (at the time)beau Bernie Rosenthal wishing he was there with smoking S.H.I.E.L.D. chica and future assassin Sharon Carter. How these jerks continue to get chicks to date them is beyond me.

Anyway luckily for Steve and Pete an angry rat-man shows up with his pack of rats and mangy dogs. So the guys get to ditch their second-string honeys and go to work. Of course going to work in this case means stopping Vermin from stealing a crusty, fresh baguette at the carnival:

Calm Assertive Cap! Calm Assertive! Someone Call The Dog Whisperer!

Then helping him wreck up a local supermarket:

Clean Up In Aisle Three

None of which is the killer 'hell yeah' moment that I mentioned earlier. That moment happens a few moments before the intial Vermin baguette offensive. It takes place in the carnival's suprising pristine men's room...

...sorry I felt a George Michael joke coming on there..it's gone now.

As I was saying despite being in the midst of a dangerous super-villain attack both Pete and Steve unceremoniously ditch their girls and rush to the little super-heroes room. They each duck inside a seperate stall and don their trusty spandex and then...

I Hope They Wash Their Hands

That's the moment. That's awesome. When I was a kid I read and re-read this comic over and over just to re-experience that moment. These were the days when Marvel Team-Up would deliver a big steaming heap of awesome every month! One month you'd have Cap and Spidey getting all 'Avengers Assemble' in the men's room the next month you might have Kraven hotrodding after Spidey atop a stampede of wild animals.

Take note modern Marvel writers. You wanna write a successful super-hero team-up issue? Learn from masters like J.M. DeMatties, Kerry Gammill and Mike Esposito. It's all about men's rooms, mack-daddies and mangy dogs.

Just don't put Vermin in it - I'm sick of that guy!

Nuff Said.
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